Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

There are a lot of great novelty yarns out there.  Really cool ones.  Ribbons and beaded yarns.  Yarns with hair and built in fringe.  Sparkly, fuzzy fancy bits twisted into stunning swirls of color.  Like moths to flames, we are sucked in and we buy these things.  Admit it.  You have at least one completely nonsensical yarn in your stash.  I have twelve.

And what in the hell are you going to knit with it?

Along comes the knitting magazine to solve our problems.  Yes Vogue, show me how this yarn dazzled the runway!

Here's where I'm going to be your friend.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.  That cute cardi with the ruffled trim is NOT a good idea.  That ribbon yarn ruffle trim looks like a freakin' ruffled diaper cover on the model's backside.  REALLY look at those pictures.  And she's a size... what? Two?  That cardi is taped in place and she is posed in the most ridiculous, unlikely, unnatural posture.  Really try to imagine the worst case scenario, because I know if I knit it, it wouldn't even come close to fitting me the way they have it staged and taped to that model.  I slouch.  My chest is under-endowed.  I'm short waisted.  I've got some math to do before I even cast that baby on.  Either way, that sweater, knit to fit my size (cough, 12, ahem, cough) would make me look like a hippo in a tutu. And no matter how fantastic that yarn is, how skilled my shaping skills, it isn't going to wipe that wide-eyed-oh-my-god!-what-has-she-knit-herself-this-time look off your smiling frozen polite face.

Put down the needles.  Reconsider your project.  Knit a plushy or trade that crazy bling off to some other daring/unsuspecting knitter.

Smooches!  I just saved us both from a yarnmare.